Collections of an Imperfect Being

New favorite word

Chantpleure: to cry while singing; to cry and sing simultaneously

moritzsstiefel:

my mom just came into my room and noticed my desktop background and said

“oh that’s so cute i think i recognize it from somewhere did you draw that when you were younger?”

mom

My mother is trying to tell me that I had a nerve system disorder because I don’t eat meat, and therefore don’t get enough protein so my immune system was weakened. Do I win?

Mom:

Article explaining that my diet is better for the planet:
http://www.vegetariantimes.com/article/the-environmental-impact-of-a-meat-base
Article explaining that my diet is better for my body:
http://www.benefitsofvegetarianism.com/vegetarian-health-benefits.htmld-diet/

Also, the average adult female needs 45 grams of protein a day. I got 50 from a latte, a grilled cheese, and a starbucks smoothietoday. (easy peasy)
Vegetarians on average live 3.6 years longer than meat eaters. (more time to spend with you)
Vegetarians are also less likely to be diagnosed with many forms of cancer, less likely to have diabetes, and have significantly less heart problems due to the fact that the main source of cholesterol is red meat. (less hospital bills for you to pay)

Now on to my sickness:
The exact cause of Guillain-Barre syndrome is unknown. In about 60 percent of cases, an infection affecting either the lungs or the digestive tract precedes the disorder. Recent surgery, immunization and pregnancy have also been associated with Guillain-Barre syndrome. But scientists don’t know why such an infection can lead to Guillain-Barre syndrome for some people and not for others. Many cases appear to occur without any triggers.

In Guillain-Barre syndrome, your immune system — which usually attacks only foreign material and invading organisms — begins attacking the nerves that carry signals to your brain. In the most common form of Guillain-Barre syndrome in North America, the nerves’ protective covering (myelin sheath) is damaged, and this interferes with the signaling process, causing weakness, numbness or paralysis.
Guillain-Barre syndrome can affect all age groups, but you’re at greater risk if:

You’re a young adult
You’re an older adult
Guillain-Barre syndrome may be triggered by:

Most commonly, infection with campylobacter, a type of bacteria often found in undercooked food, especially poultry
Mycoplasma pneumonia
Surgery
Epstein-Barr virus
Influenza virus
Hodgkin’s disease
Mononucleosis
HIV, the virus that causes AIDS
Rarely, rabies or influenza immunizations

Wait, WHAT? The easiest way to get GB is to eat undercooked chicken?? It’s funny that I haven’t had chicken in three years! 

Conclusion: I did not get sick because I don’t eat rotting carcasses. I got sick because I’m one in a two million and just have that kind of luck. 
BOOM. Ball’s in your court. I love you though:)